This may just be one of the most emotionally draining times of my life. As I await news on Jim's condition (see previous posts) in Colorado, I'm also receiving updates on my dear cousin, Amy, who is slowly losing her battle with a brain tumor in North Carolina. At the same time, I'm struggling with depression, starting the process of moving ... again, stressing over the book proposal I haven't finished, trying to catch up at work after falling behind because of several trips this summer, and dealing with on-going health issues and insomnia. Yeah, no wonder I can't sleep.
All the while, I realize the things that are breaking my heart have nothing to do with me. I don't know why God has chosen to, as yet, not heal Jim and Amy, but I'm starting to see how He is using the diverging whitewater rivers of Summer 2008 to do some work on me. How it will work out and what, exactly, He's doing remains to be seen.
I wish I could close my eyes and wake up when things are back to normal. All the while realizing things may never be normal again. Besides, that's the cowardly way out. I am called to serve, minister, help and encourage, not try to hide from the pain.
"God, show me how to get my mind off of me & focused on walking alongside those I love."